Thursday, March 3, 2011

Yes i love Interracial Relationships!

For a long time, I have toyed around with the idea of writing a blog about this subject and I have finally decided to take a plunge and just do it. I love interracial couples and have friends that are either married or dating out of their race, and I have noticed that lately, there are increasingly more interracial couples at my church, in my suburb, at shopping centres and other public places than at any other time (at least in my lifetime). They even have a programme nowadays that tells love stories and have featured at least two interracial couples. Could it be that society is opening up more to the idea of marrying outside their race? I know for sure that increased intimate interactions with people from different cultures does assist in crumbling pre-conceived prejudices, and in some cases heal the society of past ills that may have been committed in the past.

So, as expected, Zar and I often have conversations about interracial dating, and our thoughts on the issue, and we are both open to the idea (I loooove the idea!). For Zar, religion is more important than race when it comes to looking for a long term partner but she has already found her soul mate, a story for another day. I have had people wonder why I have a preference for interracial relationships, and for a long time, I used issues related to the fact that I did not want to be bought (dowry) when I got married, patriarchy (as witnessed sometimes in my own family), and other socio-cultural reasons to defend the fact that I now prefer to date men out of my race.

Then recently, i realised that all these reasons i was giving to people were actually just excuses. As i grow and find myself, especially in Christ, i am beginning to realise that this is just a preference i have, and that there is nothing more to it. Nobody questions when people marry within their own races, faiths and cultures because that is what they prefer, and i also want to marry out of my race because that’s what i prefer to, no explanations and no justifications required.

I grew up in an extended family structure where close relatives married outside their race, where parents do not have any problems with whoever I marry, and certainly where people that look different to us are made to feel comfortable, accepted and at home. And I suppose this makes it easy for me to be open to dating outside my race and culture. I have also lived in a few countries in my lifetime, met and befriended different people, which have exposed me to different people outside my own culture.

There are certainly issues related to acceptance by families (like the one interview i watched where the brother of a black man who had married a white women said that he could not accept the woman at first but got used to her when he realised she was not going anywhere), perceptions by society (those stares that people give interracial couples at shopping centres), and cultural heritage complexities (which culture do you raise your children in) but at the end of the day, these issues have to be individually negotiated by each couple.

So kudos to those willing to overlook the differences and venture into the exciting world of interracial dating. I am certainly one of them and at least now I don’t have to trash one culture to justify why I’m attracted to other races! I found these stories (Interfaith, Interracial, Intercultural . . . and Loving It! and South African couples bridge racial divide) quite illuminating about the issue and hope you will enjoy them as much as i did. 

Your avid conversationalist 


  1. well, inter racial relationships.... I personally am all for it but I think where conflict arises is with the different cultures that also form part of the relationship. I mean it easy when its just two individuals but add kids to the mix and there's bound to me some arguments in terms of which way the child should be raised and what path he/she should follow. So eventhough inter racial relationships sound great and the concept refreshings, it can become pretty complicated later on.

  2. Yes Dvd, I do agree with you about the cultural heritage complication that may arise and thats why i think that the partners should just negotiate amongst themselves how it should be done and the key is good communication. I like the way the interfaith, interracial,, intercultural... and loving it (link on blog) couple negotiate all those matters. Its nice to see that you are reading the blog!

  3. I love inter-racial, inter-religious, inter-linguistic and inter-cultural couples too! I think that these relationships are becoming more and more relevant because of globalisation - the world is not as wide as it used to be!

    Culture is dynamic. It is changing and evolving through time. While our diversity is what makes us special, it is our similarities that ultimately bring us together! One race: the human race!

  4. Zakkiya, i completely agree with your comments and also think that globalisation has quite a lot to do with their prevalence.

  5. Such a nice article Ms (lovely pics as well)!

    I'm just in love with LOVE whether its green or yellow! At the end of the day, ALL relationships (intimate or otherwise) require the same basic things: Communication (the 'concrete/solid' kind), Mutual Respect (non-fake) and Compromise (based on concrete communication). Love is a given of course!

    I think if all these things are solid for both parties then both inter-relationships AND intra-relationships will not be such a struggle but just a JOY (as they are supposed to be!).

    Thumbs up for inter-relationships! So, bring on all my non-Zulu brothers for my assessment..! NOTE: They MUST bring proof of employment PLEASE, I BEG!

  6. Haha, Phakamile, your comment was like a post. you have to write as a guest blogger soon. very deep and succinct points, i completely agree. although i must agree with Devendri and say that an inter-racial relationship requires a little more compromise and communication than an intra-racial one.

  7. Phakamile, what a hilarious comment. I agree with your comments about the features that make a relationship work. If those are available, then nothing else matters.

    I am on the lookout for a non-Zulu brother for you my dear... I might even find a Kenyan one for you (and definitely employed). Lets continue the conversation (but with Zar having to get inspiration before she gets a blog, im not sure when the next post will come).

  8. HAHAHA, Zar, start posting ASAP or the Dot will get you... ;)