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| http://awro.uneca.org/ViolenceArchive.aspx |
As the UN designated 16 days on
activism against violence on girls and women comes to a close for 2011, I have
been wondering what it actually means for most people, whether there are
stories that I know personally of abuse, and what I can continue to do to help
the fight. The reality is that we all know women who are beaten, sexually
molested, emotionally abused, insulted, whose financial gains are withheld
amongst other ills by their partners, relatives or other men in their
communities. I did not realize how many I knew until I started thinking about
it. Below are three of the examples of stories I know of (all names have been
changed):
Atieno was married at a very
young age and had children at that age as well. Before she was married, she
lived with a step father that physically abused her and there is no doubt the
psychological effects this had on her. She has never sought any help and
continues to live in an abusive relationship. Her husband gets home drank almost
every day of the week and pounces on her in front of her children. Whenever she
talks about this to anyone, she is told that that is the nature of the African
man and that she needs to just be patient and stop doing what she is doing to
get him angry. She does not have a home to go back to and probably feels
trapped in a loveless marriage. What future does her and her children have? She
does not have any meaningful form of employment and relies on her husband to provide
for the family, and so she is basically stuck.
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| Burn victim http://www.medcorpinternational.org/gender.html |
Dineo is an unmarried, educated,
relatively successful and independent woman who at a very early age had an encounter
with a young (at the time) relative who stayed with her family for school
holidays. During one particular school holiday, he touched her inappropriately,
told her that he wanted to have sex with her despite her constantly telling him
to stop. He also had the same kind of relationship with someone very close to
her at the same time but this has never been discussed. She did/ does not have
the courage to tell anyone that this was happening/ happened at that time and
has kept it to herself but it has had an effect on how she relates to men. She
often wonders whether, he (in his youth now) does it to other people and the
effect it could have on the family if she ever told anyone about it.
Adeola is also an ambitious woman
who is married and has a couple of children with her partner. She always had a
wonderful marriage but her husband would take these ‘long business trips’ only
for her to realize that he was having multiple affairs. When she confronted him
with clear evidence, he beat her up so badly that she had to be admitted in hospital.
She is now back together with him and is in constant fear that he may do it
again. What kind of an example is being given to the children?
The above three, are but stories I
think, a lot of women can relate to. Gender based violence has and continues to
happen to women regardless of colour, age, creed or social status but it is
generally very prevalent amongst African black women more than any other race
group. I think that the African culture has a lot to do with this state of affairs
(dowry payments, women being encouraged to stick to marriages that are
dysfunctional, lack of economic clout, education and other reasons) and as a
result has disadvantaged a lot of us, African black women.
I have very often had people
being told by ‘experienced married women’ at bridal showers that their husbands
will cheat, may hit them and do all sorts of things to them but that so long as
he comes back into the same bed as the bride-to-be then one should just ignore
any form of abuse and stick to the marriage. This is so common and I will never
understand why it is allowed to continue.
Of course individual women and
girls have various reasons why they continue to be in relationships/ allow the behavior
to continue, and only victims know this but I think as a people, we must spread
the word and lobby against gender based violence on their behalf.
To contribute to the fight, I
think that we should:
- Continue to highlight stories of women and girls that are abused
- Be activists about this in our homes, communities and countries and speak on behalf of those that may not have a voice
- Provide the necessary assistance, where we can, to women and girls that would like to get out of abusive relationships
- Volunteer at shelters and not-for-profit organizations that work in this area and disseminate information to women that may not have access
The fight to end violence on
women and girls is not just a women’s’ fight, it is also a men’s and the general
society’s fight and we must all work together to end the ill. We must not shut
up until all girls and women are rescued from the bondage of violence and the
fight must not just be designated to the 16 days, it should be a 365 day job!
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